Saturday 6 June

I gave up. Today I gave up my list, my demands, my expectations and the responsibility of muscling through this time and making sure that I get the exact job that is on my non-existent dream-board. I am not doing this anymore. God, I will go where you need me to go, I will work as many hours as you need me to work, and I will do what you want me to do. I said that. And felt so much better.

I felt a little embarrassed to admit this to my husband and my friend and my mom, my inner circle. I was afraid it looked like I did not have the stamina to push through, to go and get what I wanted, to persevere and be the one to tell the story how I got it. And truth be told, I don’t have the stamina.

But the relief and joy I felt when I gave up control! Ah… little compares to this relief.

And I went online, and I prayed and I applied for 3 jobs.